that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
