That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
