She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize