i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
