Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
