I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
