TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
