Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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