Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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