took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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