he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
