Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
