Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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