am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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