i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
