The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My bed smells like the plague
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
