I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
