FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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