I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dignity is for republicans.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
