he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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