my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
