yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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