Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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