Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
