They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
