i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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