Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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