The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize