So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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