His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
