You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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