I want to walk on stilts...naked
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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