Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
