I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
