Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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