Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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