It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize