And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
