We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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