he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
