Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
