I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
