I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
