well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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