She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
