No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
