got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
