you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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