It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
