I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
