my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
