i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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