I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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