belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
