I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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