grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize