Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize