Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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