every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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