I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
